


Slipping Out of Reach

by trippydooda



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Cid is sad, Cid is suffering, Other, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:57:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7891141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trippydooda/pseuds/trippydooda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Cid reflects on his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slipping Out of Reach

You know by the way he sits in silence, fingers laced together as he stares deeply in the wood of the table, as if it will have the answers. In the background you can hear discussions of strategy, of primal this primal that. Every time someone mentions that one word, he flinches. You watch endlessly as starts to shiver. He always shivers, his legs bounce. From where you sit it's like the sorrow he feels drowns all those around them, except you don't mind. If he's going to drown, you'd like to be there with him while he floats down. Only you know he won't sink. Dammit, Cid will fly. He'll let the wind caress his cheeks and dry his tears. You've never told him, but you've seen it happen. His knuckles turn white on the grip he has on the steering wheel. When you look at his face, his eyes are burned red and track marks of dried water trace rivers down his face. Your only response is to touch a hand to his shoulder. It's hard to reach, and he nearly flies the airship around, but once he meets your eyes he smiles and the sadness, regret, and guilt washes away with it.

He flinches harder than normal when you do it this time. He looks up to you, and you offer the same smile. Trying his best he returns one, but you know it's worse this time. "Ah," he says, his voice creating relief in your face, "It's you." He touches the hand you placed on his shoulder and sighs. He clears his throat, "Come, sit."

And you do. You sit, and he sits, and there is silence. You're always afraid of initiating something, fearful you'll bring back memories. Instead you discuss anything else. "The weather's been nice," you say just as he grunts under his breath, "Dammit."

A shuffle in your seat. It's at times like these that you feel powerless. That of all the things you can summon, there is nothing--no primal--in this world to make all the pain go away. No answers lie in any of your books, no relief comes when you take down a demon. The demons in his mind are far too potent, far too tangible, for you to do much at all. In times like this, you remember when you first met him. When he didn't remember. Was it better then? Was it better to leave him in despair, but ignorant? Could have he healed?

"I don't mean to be like this lass," he offers. All you do is blink. "It's not fair for me to put you down with me." Again, you feel powerless. You just stare at him, watching his eyes, watching all the times he screamed from nightmares. The nights where you could hear him sob and yet you did nothing. You couldn't. It was petrifying, the sound. It was like something terrible was ripping him from the inside. That something so horrible and cruel was writhing in him. And you suppose there is.

He looks away now, somewhere in the distance. The expression on his face softens, but only to where there is none at all. At times you can decipher his eyes. They present themselves like maps, and sometimes you can find the treasure. Sometimes there is an _x_ and you dig. You dig far enough that you can feel the heat coming off his heart. You can feel the fire that burns within him. Other--and frankly most, you admit--there is only a flicker. Just a spark that tells you he's okay. That when he laughs with full lungs on the airship you know it's going to be alright. 

When he goes to touch your hand idling on the table, it's your turn to flinch. First he just lays it there, but then it clenches. You stare at it as if a flower is going to bloom, or that something is going to manifest itself there, and that thing will save him. When you look up Cid is facing away from you. His thumb caresses the side of your hand and now you're not sure who's comforting whom. There are times when he and you don't need words. Instead the way you seamlessly move with him as if you're in some sort of twisted waltz conveys all you need to know. The rough calloused hand on yours tells you. It tells you that he's okay. That he'll be okay. When he decides to turn and face you again, it's like Project Meteor never happened. He says something to you, you think something relating to the aforementioned weather. If you're honest, you don't care. Eorzea could be burning down, but as long as Cid is with you, not even the hottest embers could burn you. In moments to yourself, you try to tell yourself he feels the same. In those moments all of this is over, there is no more war. There is no more suffering. 

He releases your hand. "Shall we?" He beckons with a cock of the head and the sweetest smile.

You nod and follow him out. You're not sure where you're headed. For a brief moment it concerns you but it quickly fades as fast as it comes. You think that you could follow him into the Hells themselves, and you wouldn't mind. 

\-------------

On the airship Biggs steers. Cid stand next to you, the air billowing around you. You clear your throat, but you don't dare saying anything. When he sets his hand on your shoulder you let out your breath, unaware you were holding it in the first place. You meet his eyes, and the secrets within are hidden to you once again. As the wind makes a dance out of your robes, he squeezes your shoulder, tighter than he had your hand earlier. At first his expression is that of turmoil, but it slowly changes to something akin of peace. When he takes his hand away, you know without words, without any other context, that he will heal. He will be himself again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a spur of the moment writing. It's sorta for my sister, who has lots of feels. Enjoy!


End file.
